Doesn’t Bother Me

I’m pretty sure you

Don’t like me, but I’m very

Sure that I don’t care

Aggravating Adage

The early bird can

Have the worm, worms are gross and

Mornings are stupid

Subtleties of Society

Not anti-social,

I’m selectively social

There’s a difference

Phone Aversion

Before calling me

Ask yourself “is this message

Something I could text?”

Cushioning Blows

Oops that was harsh, let

Me add “haha” to the end

To help soften the blow

Virtuosity

Why is patience a

Virtue? Why isn’t it hurry

Your damned ass up?

Food Overload

I sure eat a lot

For someone that expects

To fit into clothes

Wishful Driving

Not that I hate you

But if you got hit by a bus

I’d be driving it